Depending on God

I wanted to talk about money.  I don't like talking about money and my husband doesn't allow us to tell people about our finances - not even Ryan or Zachary has ever known how much money their Dad makes or how much our house cost or any debts we've had.  But since we truly want God to get all the glory for this new adventure we are on and I've had some comments that make me feel like I should clear up a few things.  A few well meaning friends have indicated how blessed we are for Gus to be able to quit work and go to seminary for three years without worrying about money.  I guess they assume that because Gus was a lawyer, all lawyers are rich, so thus we have loads of money piled away to just take it easy while he goes to school.  We didn't always make the right choices with our money at the beginning of our marriage (Ryan and Diana - please don't make that mistake! Love you!) and so we spent the first five years of our marriage getting into debt while Gus finished his last year at Virginia Tech and went to UVA Law School for three years.  We spent the next five years getting out of debt and getting ourselves straight on what we should be doing with God's money.  We had a nice chunk in our savings account and started building up some money in 401K and retirement accounts.  As many of you know, we felt God leading us to not go into debt for Ryan's college and not let him start off in debt either.  So after $63,000 went to four years of tuition and room/board for college and $15,000 repairing and fixing the house up to get it sold, well let's just say we will be depending on God to provide everything we need.  We certainly have the option to move money from retirement and other investments for us to live on for the next three to four years but we have decided not to go that route. We truly feel God calling us to depend totally on Him.  We are putting our retirement and other funds in accounts that will not make it easy for us to get to them and we will live on whatever Gus makes at whatever job God leads us to.

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing." Matthew 6:25.

So this just isn't a career adventure for us, it is a total and complete dependence on God for everything - EVERYTHING!  And that is something we have not done in a long time - it feels amazing.  We have no job and no place to live in Kentucky right now and are unsure who will give us a place to live if we have no job.


"Now it happened as they journeyed on the road, that someone said to Him, "Lord, I will follow You wherever You go.  And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head."  Luke 9:57-58


Jesus had no home and did not earn an income to provide food, but trusted His Father in Heaven to provide all He needed.  So everything in our new direction of life, will absolutely be done by God and provided by Him - no one else. We begin this journey with less than we have had since we first got married.  In fact, we were the happiest in our married life when we lived in Blacksburg, Virginia in a dumpy trailer, living on a secretary's salary, and didn't know how our bills were going to be paid (except for having two great kids since then that made life quite happy!) We have come back to where we started except this time we will be putting our trust in our Father in Heaven and not ourselves.  Am I still scared, oh yeah!

We're finally finished!

The for sale sign is in the yard and the house is on the market.  Two months worth of work and it feels amazing to be finished.  The house officially went on the market Wednesday and our staging is complete.  The whole staging thing is strange because we are still living in the house, but it feels like we can't really live in the house.  Does that make sense?  Every day we have to put out the staging towels in the bathrooms, almost everything we use in the house has to be put away so nothing looks cluttered.  Every day I have to tell Zachary "don't touch the walls" , "flush the toilet", "pick up that", and "take your shoes off before you walk on the new carpet". When someone is coming to see the house, we've been told to leave classical music playing and put out fresh baked cookies before we leave.  There are 35 houses in our small zone so it will be a true testament to God's power and all to His glory if the house sells in time for classes August 15th. 

So we press on in faith and Gus is registering for classes tonight.  I have already registered for my class at the Wive's Seminary and I am really looking forward to it.  I always wanted to finish my degree and am only three classes away from being done, but now I get to take these classes that will strengthen my role as Gus' helpmate in whatever ministry God leads us to after seminary is over.  I am praying he also uses the classes to lead me to whatever ministry  He would have me serve in at our new church in Louisville or wherever we eventually end up.  I have so many things I would love to do: lead a homebuilders couples Bible study in our home, have a support group in our home for young wives (and they are all young except me since I will be the oldest wife in the seminary classes), maybe offer a monthly babysitting night for all these young families who need a night out, or lead a book study for moms with a Sally Clarkson book.  Zachary and I have already looked into some volunteer options for us during the week.

One of the great things I love about homeschooling is the opportunity to volunteer together any day of the week.  There is an orphanage type facility in the area that we are living that desperately needs volunteers that might be a good option for us.  Gus thinks that if we volunteer there, I'll start bringing home foster children and want to adopt babies.  Wouldn't that be wonderful!

Each day brings us a step closer to starting our new adventure and it is exciting, frightening (we have no place to live in Kentucky and Gus does not have a job!), stressful, and AMAZING - may it all bring Glory to Him.

IT'S OFFICIAL!

I have always believed God must have an awesome since of humor. After all he made laughter and hilarious humans! All week we have been anxious about Gus getting accepted to Southern Seminary. We have spent all this time and money on the house, looking for houses in Louisville and making all these plans and he hadn't even been accepted to the seminary.  We were really rolling along on our feelings that this was God's plan for us.  He was told it may take longer than the usual three to five days to receive a reply to his application since it is nearing the July deadline and the school gets so many applications in May.  So it has been almost eight days since he received notification that they had received everything to complete his application.  They told us he would receive an email or a letter.  Since everything is done by computers these days, we assumed it would be email and have been checking Gus' email three or four times a day for the last eight days! Nothing.... So in our nightly prayer time together we have been praying that God confirm if this is His will and please send us an email.  Nothing....

Yesterday we had the new carpet installed. Everything was everywhere and constantly being moved from room to room and there was no time to get on the computer.  But it was in the back of both our minds all morning.  Finally the carpet was done and we were feeling so good about how the house was looking that we both were silently saying "Whatever you want God, we won't worry about it anymore"!

The carpet was finished and we had decided to run over to the mall and grab some lunch since we have barely been out of this house in weeks.  We grab the mail on our way to the car and there it was - five minutes after the last major house project was completed a letter from Southern Seminary was in our mailbox.  It was very thin and we started thinking like you use to when you received college letters - thin envelope means rejection, fat envelope means acceptance.  I thought we were all going to throw up and it seemed like forever that Gus held the envelope and we just stared at it.  Finally, Zachary says "what are you waiting for!"  Oh those first four words - "it is my privilege"!  We all started screaming and jumping around.  It was wonderful!  So after all our anxious moments, God delivers his confirmation five minutes after the last major house project was done.  What a sense of humor our Lord has and how wonderful He is!  All in His timing and all in His way.  All to His glory this journey will be!

The big "D"

Being the human that I am, I knew that it would come and so it has.  The big "D". D-O-U-B-T! I have felt much doubt about this seminary adventure this past week.  Our goal was to have the house on the market by the end of April because we know spring is the best time to sell a house. It is now May and we have finished maybe 1/2 of what has to be done before we can list the house.  Every day seems to create something else that has to be done.  At first it was ok, I knew we were working every day on something that needed to be done no matter how small it seemed.  Now, we discovered that seminary classes start August 15th instead of mid-September like Gus thought.  So I let the D-O-U-B-T start creeping in that there is no way we can make it to Kentucky by then - WE DON'T EVEN HAVE OUR HOUSE FOR SALE YET! D-O-U-B-T!

Then my son calls us to say he is officially engaged.  We knew it was coming soon, but since it wasn't official it was easy not to think about it.  Now that it is real, I don't want to leave my baby!  Sometimes it crossed my mind that we would be almost 14 hours away from him. A few tears would drop and then I would put the thought aside until he called or sent me a message and then it would creep up again.  Now that there are wonderful wedding plans that will be going on only 3 hours away, it is now much harder to think about being 14 hours away.  D-O-U-B-T!

Added to those two big "D's", Zachary is really beginning to feel the reality that we are leaving family, friends, and the biggest thing to him - Ryan. Our house has been in total disorganization for a month now, in 30 days Gus will be unemployed, he doesn't have a new job, and we have no new place lined up to live in.  This has really begun to weigh on the mind of my 12-year-old and he had a huge meltdown last week.  He was so upset, my heart just broke for him. D-O-U-B-T!

On the flip side of all this, I am excited about all God is going to teach us through all this. I feel He is going to change us all beyond what we can imagine.  He is already teaching me that Carol, the order-loving, routine-needing, hates being out of my comfort zone, control-loving, doubting Thomas, can only survive this with His strength and His alone. NO D-O-U-B-T ABOUT THAT!

Next Step of Faith

We made our next step of faith today!  Gus gave his 60 day notice at his job!  God has been sending Gus clear messages through his Bible reading, other reading of some Godly men, and other miscellaneous things that he needed to do this.  He felt God telling him that fixing up our house and making it public knowledge was the easy stuff, but to show true trust and faith in this calling to seminary, he had to let go of the job.  So he committed in his head to follow God's leading and just do it.  He didn't mention it to me yet - I would have been totally terrified and probably said "are you crazy??!!!"  But the next morning, Zachary and I went to our Bible study as usual.  I had dropped Zachary off at the door and drove to a parking place.  As I was walking across the parking lot, out of nowhere a thought came into my head - Gus needs to go ahead and quit his job!  I chuckled to myself and said "no way that would be dumb" and went to class.  During our small group time, while I was thinking about Paul and our lesson, I heard it several more times.  I got into the morning lecture and it just wouldn't leave my mind.  As soon as the morning was done, I went straight to the car and called Gus.  Can you guess already what happened? I told him what I was hearing and he said, "Praise God - there is my final and most important confirmation of what God was telling him to do!"  God had told his wife too!  So we prayed about it together for a few weeks - oh we humans have to double-check everything and give God another chance to change His mind!  So Gus officially gave his notice today.

Since we made the decision that it was definitely what we should do, everything has been moving along very quickly.  We had been getting quotes for work to be done and it was moving at a snail's pace.  Since we made the commitment to let go of the job, we now have the foundation work scheduled for a week from now and the drywall/carpentry work will be done this week, counter tops will be built and installed within three weeks. We will continue in our packing and decluttering and do the painting as drywall work is completed, replace the carpet and we are well on our way to the goal of having the house on the market by May 1st.

As Stephen Curtis Chapman said in one of his songs, "I am speechless and amazed" at how God moves and how much it pleases Him when we are obedient and trust in Him!  I thank Him for his patience with me who is already thinking about the fact that we no job prospects!

Selling our House

We  met with a real estate agent this morning.  Oh my!  It will be a testament of the power of God if we can sell our house by August so Gus can start seminary in the fall!  There were some homes like ours that sold in 60 days, but so many that are still on the market after almost a year.  So I could see Gus' heart sink that we might have to move this winter and start seminary in January.  I also felt a huge moment of anxiety after she left because there is so much to be done and that the timing of many things are really going to have to work out - selling the house, finding a new house, when to leave current job, finding another job, and a few other things.  So I got on my knees and just gave each and every anxious feeling and each and every step to the Lord.  We will trust in God that Gus will be there to start the day that He has already planned for him to be in his first class. If you hear me talking about it any other way, will you please remind me that God is in control! 

It was really helpful to have the real estate agent give us some hints on what to do other than the work we already knew had to be done.  Also learned that many of the things I learned working in a real estate office for 8 years haven't changed, so we were already ahead in our plans.  Another sign that God has us in the places, jobs, and situations over our lifetime for a reason. I never considered I might use that real estate experience at some point. 

So the goal is to have the house on the market by the end of April which is the best time of the year to sell a house.  We're going to have to pretty much do nothing else between now and then but work on the house.  Zachary graciously offered to give me a break from homeschooling until the end of April so I can do house stuff - like that's gonna happen!  So we prep our field so God can send a steady rain of home buyers!

Wife in Its Proper Place

After attending the Weekend To Remember Marriage Conference, God gave me so much to pray about.  As I thought about being sure our marriage was in the proper place amongst our every day priorities, I began to pray to God to show me the proper place for my ministry as Gus' wife and as mom to Ryan and Zachary.  Just like many wives today, I tend to put my children first when it is my husband that should take the next place after God.  Oh, how I fail at that!  Usually my husband gets the leftovers of my time, energy, and love each day and if there are no leftovers, then he doesn't get anything at all.  So how am I going to support his new ministry, when I fail at being a support to him now?  Only the Lord can give that kind of strength and guidance.

I turn to Proverbs 31 - one of my favorite passages of scripture - and the book of Ruth. The virtuous wife is a description of the kind of wife a woman should strive to be.  A wife is an efficient and organized homemaker; always watching over her home. She has a forever commitment to her husband and would never do anything to bring dishonor to his name. Verse 28 says "her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."  The praise from family is meaningful because they are the ones that observe her in every situation and truly know her character.  It is difficult to admit how often I do things that please others before I do those things that are a blessing to my husband and children.   In the book of Ruth, I love 1:16,17. Although she says it to her mother-in-law, it is a wonderful commitment to my husband: "Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God,  my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me."  I am especially feeling this passage as my husband leads me away from the state I have lived in all my life and from the place I have lived over 20 years!

Gus would be the first to admit that he likes our roles to be like those that for most today would be considered "old fashioned".  He likes to be the spiritual leader, provider, and protector of his family. It pleases him beyond measure to come home to dinner, a clean and neat home, and a wife that wants to hear about his day.  I have to say "I dig" that about him!  It pleases me beyond measure to do these things for him.  But I have to admit that since we started homeschooling almost two years ago, I have let most of that fall to the wayside and the management of my home - or the lack thereof - and the pleasing of my husband has fallen to the wayside.  Thank the Lord he is a God whose strength can be renewed in me each new day. Thank the Lord for a husband who is understanding, forgiving, and wonderful at fulfilling his role!  I greatly desire to get back to my "old fashioned" role!

One book I love is "Passionate Housewives Desperate for God" by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald.  I was drawn to it from the beginning because it used the word "housewife". Does any woman like to be called a housewife anymore?  How about a homemaker? I love those two words and strive to be able to feel worthy of being called those once again!  I end this post with one of my favorite passages from this book:


"Homemaking isn't about starched aprons, pearls, and high heels.  It's about doing the will of God even when the world scoffs. It's about loving the high calling that God especially has given to women. It's about learning to trust when circumstances would tell us to doubt and fear. We are called to be different - not conformed to the pattern of this world but transformed by Christ (Romans 12:2). We are to live in such a way that others may have hope. When we trust in the Lord and submit to His design for  marriage, family, home, and church, then our homemaking accomplishes far more than just making homes. It has the power to impact countless lives and generations for the glory of God."